pursuing a doctorate degree because yolo (and i'm extremely stubborn)
Anxiety, finger surgery, throwing up between seminars, a drug habit, many therapy sessions, creating opportunities for BI/POC undergrads, and free catered lunches are all part of the journey.
A lot of shit happened in the past year and a half, so I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to bullet point them all out on this newsletter while I’m on break. I’m not really on break, because of pre-candidacy, but it’s nice having Slack off and your calendar cleared out for two weeks.
Having one of your favorite professors, who is related to someone that received a Pulitzer Prize in Poetry, tell you that you write like shit. She meant it in a good way and I appreciate her for giving me the opportunity to re-write a paper about information theories. I, still to this day, don’t know what I wrote about.
Your piss will smell like coffee.
Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday meant free catered lunches if we attend a post-doc or visiting professor’s talk. This meant Slack messaging your peers if they want a sandwich and saving one for them.
The past three therapists I’ve seen all said I have anxiety. Yes, this has been known. I’m grateful for the current one I’m seeing. Therapy helped me a lot.
I’ve never read so many books and papers in my entire life in a span of a year and a half. I thought I read a lot growing up, but no, this is some next-level highlighting, printing, stapling, and nose bleeding kinda reading. Thank you Paul Edwards for teaching us how to read. <- Would recommend this reading
Thank god I’m in a union. Grateful for GEO 3550. #unionstrong
My smoking habit kicked back in after quitting for a few months. I’m not smoking a pack every week as I used to, but more of the mindset of "need to think for a second”.
Counting down how many years you have left.
GradCare is fucking amazing. Got a much-needed finger surgery where I had to ask the nurses to hide my tattooed body from my parents. They shielded me as I changed. Thank you, nurses!
“WHAT FRAMEWORK ARE YOU USING?”
I knew I was in a position to help first-gen and BI/POC students gain research skills, so I did my best to hire research assistants to teach and mentor them. I’m also thankful that my advisor paid them a great wage. I wish I had that as an undergrad.
Having no idea what you're doing ~75% of the time. Yes, this is true. I google, ask around, google again, read a bunch of papers, and pretend I understand it.
Begging billionaires and the federal government for grant money.
Trying to hold a (casual) conversation with someone who is older than you is really tough.
Twitter. I swear to god if Twitter didn’t exist…my experience would’ve been 100% different. Twitter…you really nailed it on this one.
Telling your advisors that you're a model. They are very supportive.
Crying in front of your advisors. Have done that multiple times. They are (still) very supportive.
Working insane hours. I knew having a personal life was important to me. I lost a solid 15 pounds in my first year because I wasn’t eating and just working. Traveling to NY or LA for work provided me that “personal life” and extra boost I needed.
Moved back to NYC during the pandemic. I’m mentally, physically, and emotionally doing better. I’m going to stay here.
In the end, knowing that the work you (and your peers) do is personal. It’s like our child, I get it. We want our work to be impactful (even just a little) to make the Internet a safer place.
We are all extremely stubborn because I know for a fact we all wanted to give up at one point and drop out. Thanks for sticking through it.
I will add to this list every year until I graduate in who knows when. Until next time, take care.